I'm Not That Girl
by sashasbum
Summary: Addison does karaoke to get 'closure' on her feelings for Alex. Songfic-ish. Addex pairing, with Addison/Callie and Alex/Izzie friendship. R&R please :   Sorry about the rubbish summary :P


**A/N** : Heyy :) second story. Took me a while. Not completely happy with the beginning, spend forever trying to make it better, but I'm just going to leave it like this now. May change it one day, but I just can't seem to get it right, right now. Ahhh well, hope you enjoy :)

**Disclaimer** (Forgot this last time :/:P) : I don't own Grey's Anatomy or anything to do with it, nor do I own Wicked, or the songs. Trust me, these would be together if I did own Grey's.

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><p>Addison finally sat herself down to her first meal in almost 2 days. She was starving after living off coffee cart muffins for 36 hours. She was still dressed in her scrubs from the seven hour surgery she'd just exited, her hair was up in a scruffy bun and the remnants of the mornings make up were starting to smudge, but she didn't care. Like I said, she was starving. So why was she playing with her food instead of eating it? Well, the answer to that was the intern sitting at another table across the room from her with none other than blonde haired Izzie Stevens. She watched as he stole some grapes from Izzie's plate and Izzie stole a chunk of his chocolate cupcake, which she undoubtedly made for him. Jealousy boiled in the pit of Addison's stomach. <em>Dammit Addie, keep your feelings under control. You can't be jealous. He's Alex Karev, you're Addison Montgomery. It'd never work out anyway.<em>

But oh how she wished it would. She couldn't deny the feelings that had been building up over the past few months and up until recently she believed that he reciprocated those feelings, but now, looking across at him and his..._girlfriend, _well, she didn't know if she was his girlfriend for sure, but she assumed it was a pretty good guess, she knew she must have been wrong. She'd heard about their previous relationship and knew it was only in due time that they got back together. She hated herself for fooling herself that he could ever feel that way about her. So she was playing with her food, suddenly not feeling very hungry anymore.

Suddenly, he looked over to her table and smiled shyly at her, obviously noting how she was already staring at him. She mistook the shyness in his smile as pity though and looked away quickly, blinking away tears.

'Hey, what's up with you?' Callie said interrupting her thoughts and sitting next to her at the table, taking a bite of sandwich.

'Huh? Oh...erm, uh, nothing.' she sighed. 'Just tired, that's all.' she smiled.

'Yeh, sure. Cos lusting after your hot intern is so tiring.' She smirked.

'What? I wasn't...he isn't...I don't know what you're on about, Callie.'

'Oh come on Addie. You were staring at him, yeh I saw that. He did too. Just go there already Adds, you both obviously want to.'

'He has a girlfriend Cal.' she breathed.

'What? No he doesn't, don't be stupid. And you didn't deny it.'

'1. Yeh he does. Him and Stevens have been all over each other since they got in here. And 2, I'm denying it now.' she glared.

'Karev and Stevens aren't together. She still isn't over Denny.'

'Look, it doesn't matter anyway. I am _not _going there. I am his boss. It's completely inappropriate.'

'Please, exhibit A.' she pointed to another table where Addison's ex-husband Derek was sat with his intern girlfriend Meredith. 'But, I'll let it go for now. Are you gonna eat this by the way? It looks amazing.' she said picking up Addison's cream slice.

'Have it. I'm not hungry. Was there a reason you came over by the way?'

'Aww...gee, thanks Addison. I love spending time with you too.' she chuckled at the other woman's glare. 'Yes, actually. Just to ask if you fancy going to Joes tonight? George has the late shift so...'

'Sure. But not for long, I haven't slept properly in days. I need sleep.' she dropped her head to the table to prove her point.

'We won't, promise. Besides, some, uh, lines of deliciousness may be there.'

'Drop it Calliope! Not happening. Now shut up about it if you want me go tonight.'

'Don't Calliope me again and we got a deal.' They both laughed. It was interrupted by Addison's pager going off. Getting up she said 'So, 8 at Joes then?'

'See you then.' Callie smiled at her friends retreating figure. She sighed looking over at Alex, who was now alone. _What the hell have you done to my friend? _With an angry look on her face, so got up and stormed over to his table.

_~addex~addex~addex~addex~addex~_

'Seriously Alex, just go over already!' Izzie exclaimed to the man in front of her.

'Huh? What...what are you on about?' he said, his head snapping back round to face her.

'You're staring Alex! That's putting it nicely. You're practically drooling at her. If you like her so much, just go over and ask her out for drinks.' He sighed. Izzie was right and he knew it. He did like her, but he screwed it up. He'd shouted at her in a supply closet just a few days earlier. Besides, she's been ignoring him so was giving him the impression she didn't want him. But he knew, the moment the words left his mouth, the moment he said 'I'm not interested', he knew she liked him. But he couldn't take it back. Who says something like that, then follows it with 'Ha, just kidding'. No one. You just don't do that. So instead he just turned and walked away, not being able to cope with looking at that expression on her face. It killed him to know how much he hurt her, but he made himself believe it was for the best anyway, that made him feel less guilty about the whole thing.

'Look, Iz, it's not that simple. Just drop it.'

'It is! God Alex. Just walk over, apologize for whatever you did.' he frowned at her, 'You always do something Alex. Anyway, just go over, say sorry and ask if she wants to get drinks with you.'

'You're right. I should just...ask.' he turned on the seat as though to get up and go speak to her. His eyes landed on her and saw her annoyed expression. He turned back around quickly and murmured, 'Another time Iz. Promise.'

'Alex! Just do it! What've you got to lose?'

'Her. Seriously Iz, I will talk to her. But right now, she doesn't look too happy. And I'm not ready to lose her over stupid drinks.' Izzie just stared at him, her mouth hanging open and her eyes wide. 'What?'

'You really care about her. Sorry, I just, wasn't expecting that.'

'Yeh, well, neither was I.' he sighed. He was saved from further interrogation by the sound of Izzie's pager going off.

'Damn. I have to go. Let me buy you a drink tonight to cheer you. It's karaoke night too. Maybe you could get your guitar skills out.' She laughed as he glared at her' Alright, alright. I'm still getting you a drink though. Joe's at 9?'

'Sure Iz. Thanks.' she smiled softly at him before turning on her heel and leaving. He looked back over to where Addison was sitting to see her walking away.

He sighed, turning back around to finish his half eaten muffin. He jumped when someone slammed their tray down on. He looked up to see Callie staring at him expectedly. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. She sat down groaning.

'Are you dating Stevens?' she blurted.

'What? No...why...what makes you think that?'

'Addison said something.' his eyebrows rose at her confession, but she took no notice and carried on with what she was saying. 'Look, Karev, she's miserable and it's because. You need to say you're sorry and ask her out on a date.'

'What is it with you women telling me what to do?' he spat, although, not as forcibly as he'd wanted.

'Karev. Just do it. I'm fed up of her mopping around. She'll be at Joes from 8 tonight, I suggest you talk to her then.' with that she walked out of the cafeteria leaving Alex alone with his thoughts.

_~addex~addex~addex~addex~addex~_

She really didn't want to go Joe's tonight anymore. She'd lost 2 babies, been shouted at by a no longer soon to be father and Alex had been avoiding her, she thinks. Even though she knows they'd never work out, she admits that he is what gets her through the day. Even with his cocky grin and smart ass comebacks. Just seeing him fills her with a little bit of energy, puts purpose to her work. He makes her feel better about herself, but without him there, she'd felt small and vulnerable, so after the patients husband gad finished shouting at her, this had gone on for at least 5 minutes as Alex usually stopped them, or took most of the blow for her, she locked herself in a supply closet and cried. So now, she really wasn't up to going to Joes, but she didn't want to let Callie down, so as soon as her shift ended she left hospital property and made her way over to the Emerald City Bar. It had just turned 8, so she ordered her usual, a martini, and sat at a tiny table in middle of the bar. It isn't where she would've liked to have sat, but the bar was packed, so she took what she could. By the time she realized that the reason it was so full was because it was karaoke night, Callie had arrived, bought them both drinks and was currently sat in front as Addison as she swirled her finger around the rim of the glass.

'Ok, seriously, you need to cheer up. Letting yourself get this down because of a man is just stupid.' she glared.

'Seriously? You're spending way too much time with Stevens, and I'm not down because of a man. Well, not the man you're thinking of anyway.' she corrected herself at Callie's intensified glare.

'What's Mark done then?'

'It's not Mark. Derek either before you start. It's just been one of those days.'

'Well. I know what'll cheer you up, karaoke.' Addison raised a questioning eyebrow at her. 'It'll be fun Addie. It'll let you get everything out and show everyone what they're missing.'

Addison sighed. She had to admit, doing karaoke would be fun, but she never sang in public. That wouldn't show people what they're missing, it'd just embarrass her and ensure that she never went on a date again. _Oh, what the hell._

'Let's do this' she said, a mischievous grin on her face. Callie's jaw dropped, she hadn't expected it to be so easy. 'What? You're right. It'll be fun' she shrugged.

'I just…I'm surprised. I thought I'd have to get drunk first' she chuckled. 'Alright. What are you going sing? Something totally upbeat and in their face? Or subtly telling them to get stuffed?'

'I have the perfect song Cal. Like, perfect. I don't care how not 'upbeat' and self centered it is and on the upside, he isn't here, so I can get it all off my chest, without him ever having to know.'

'Okay,' Callie replied suspiciously. 'Wait, which he?'

Addison laughed at her best friend, 'You'll work it out.' She slid off the stool and walked over to Joe to put her name and song choice on a slip. Joe told her to go right on up, so with a final glance towards Callie, she climbed the stairs to the stage, took a deep breath and waited for the music to begin. Just as the first notes exited the speakers, she heard the door to the bar open. She looked up, breath hitching; eye's locking with the persons who just entered. Alex, who had Izzie trailing not far behind laughing at something. She finally tore her eyes away from Alex's to send a pleading look at Callie, before returning her eyes to the screen in front of her. She reached forward to grab the microphone as she began to sing.

"_**Hands touch, eyes meet  
>Sudden silence, sudden heat<br>Hearts leap in a giddy whirl  
>He could be that boy<br>But I'm not that girl"**_

Alex eyes never left Addison. He couldn't believe that she had such a voice. She seemed so shy when singing and he wished that she would just embrace her voice and show it off. Besides, he knew she was good at everything and this definitely wasn't the exception. He also knew she was singing this to him. He sighed knowing how much the incident in the supply closet had hurt her and promised himself to sort everything out when she got off stage.

'Wow. She's amazing isn't she?' Izzie whispered in Alex's ears.

'Yeh. She really is.' He smiled. Izzie moved away, grinning widely at Alex's expression.

"_**Don't dream too far  
>Don't lose sight of who you are<br>Don't remember that rush of joy  
>He could be that boy<br>I'm not that girl**_

_**Ev'ry so often we long to steal**_  
><em><strong>To the land of what-might-have-been<strong>_  
><em><strong>But that doesn't soften the ache we feel<strong>_  
><em><strong>When reality sets back in"<strong>_

Tears were now rolling down her cheeks. She turned to look at Alex and, seeing the proximity between him and Izzie and the smiles on their faces, the tears started to flow freely, but she never stops singing. She knew she could never compete with what they had, but she needed closure, which she saw in the form of this song. As much as she wanted to look away, she couldn't. When Alex finally looked back at her, she poured everything she had into the rest of the song, without removing her gaze from Alex's figure.

"_**Blithe smile, lithe limb  
>She who's winsome, she wins him<br>Gold hair with a gentle curl  
>That's the girl he chose<br>And Heaven knows  
>I'm not that girl"<strong>_

'Wait, does she think you're dating me?' Izzie murmured incredulously.

'I guess so. Oh no, that's why she's been weird with me. I've been spending so much time with you. Iz, what should I do?'

'Correct her. Move your butt and tell her she's wrong.'

'I can't just walk over Iz. Besides, I don't want her to stop yet.'

'Aww, Alex is in love.' She grinned.

'Shut it Iz.' He smirked.

"_**Don't wish, don't start  
>Wishing only wounds the heart<br>I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl  
>There's a girl I know<br>He loves her so  
>I'm not that girl"<strong>_

She shut her eyes as she finished the song, her emotions overwhelming her. When she finally had her crying in check, she looked up from the stage at her applauding audience. She didn't think that people would like her singing that much, but when she saw Alex making his way towards her from the other side of the room, nothing else mattered, other than getting out of the room. She rushed off towards her and Callie's table.

'Wow Addison. That was amazing.' Callie beamed as she arrived at the table.

'Thanks Cal.' she half smiled, 'I have to go, I'll see you tomorrow.' She added, whilst grabbing her purse and turning to rush out the door. She walked faster when she heard Alex call her from behind.

'Ads. Addison, wait.' She just carried on walking, till she was practically running in to the parking lot. She only stopped once she felt a hand grip her wrist.

'Addison, please. Why are you running away from me?' He asked as he pulled her round to face him.

'You should go back inside. Izzie will be wondering where you are.' She sobbed.

'My god Addison. You're forgetting something about all this.'

'Yeh? What would that be?' she scoffed.

'Fiyero's in love with Elphaba. Not Glinda. He never was.'

'What?' she frowned.

'I love you Addison. Not Izzie. I've been spending so much time with her because she's still suffering from the whole Denny thing and I didn't want her to be on her own. If it was up to me, I'd be spending every minute of the day with you.'

'Really?'

'Really,' he smiled, reassuringly.

'Then I love you too.' She smiled back, before reaching the back of his neck and pulling him into a passionate kiss. His tongue brushed against her bottom lip and her mouth opened, allowing him entry. Their tongues battled for dominance until it was necessary for them to pull apart to breathe. Their foreheads instantly rested on the others.

'I think we should get out of here don't you.' Alex smirked, breathlessly.

'Oh, I definitely do.' she replied, before he grabbed her by the hand and pulled her off to his car, kissing her temple gently and driving away.

_~addex~addex~addex~addex~addex~_

Later that night, Addison found herself lay in Alex's bed, her head resting on his bare chest and her fingers tracing lazy circles on said chest.

'So. You're a fan of Wicked then?' she chuckled.

'Uh, no. I have a sister and crappy parents, so I take her out as much as possible. She adores the thing. We've been 6 times, once in London, the rest in New York. I'm pretty sure I know all lyrics off the top of my head now. But for her, I'd do anything. Which is why we're going again in 2 months.' he groaned.

'I'm sorry, about the crappy parents. It mustn't have been easy for you. But it's nice, what you do for her. Amazing, really.' she smiled, propping herself up on one elbow so she could see his face clearly. He brought his hand to her face, stroking her lightly, before running his hand through her hair and pulling her in for a kiss.

'Come with us.' He said when their lips separated. 'Amber'll love you, I'd love it if you were there, you'll make it more bearable and you're like the queen of New York, you could show us round properly.'

'You sure? I wouldn't want to impose.' He nodded, smiling sweetly at her. 'Alright. I'll come. I'd love to meet your sister.' She grinned.

'Get some sleep Ads. Tomorrow's a new day. A better day. A day for _us_.'

'Okay. Goodnight Alex.' she yawned, lying back down on his chest, his arm pulling her flush against him.

'Goodnight Addison. I love you.'

'I love you too.' She smiled sleepily.

_**"Maybe I'm brainless,**_

_**Maybe I'm wise,**_

_**But you got me seeing,**_

_**Through different eyes.**_

_**Somehow I've fallen,**_

_**Under your spell**_

_**And somehow I'm feeling, **_

_**It's up that I fell."**_

'Liar.' Alex felt Addison body shake slightly under his arm. She kissed his chest lazily, them both sighing happily as they fell into a deep slumber.

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><p><strong>AN** : So, hope you like it. I really kinda wish these had sang together in the musical episode. AND, just saw a deleted scene, where Addie and Alex are checking on Sofia and Lucy comes in, and tells Addie that she wanted to be her. Shonda is clearly showing that Alex wants Addison still. (Or is this just how my mind works it?) ahaha, anyhows, that scene made me happy (ish) and made me finally finish this. I have a few others half done and I'm going to do a series of unrelated one shots, but songfics :D ahaha, reviews are appreciated :) please!


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